plurk essays for posterity

[amivoringyou]

A lot of this is working through how to handle Riful's reentry, so the process evolves as it goes - it became a matter of settling down some of the uncomfortable feeling of having a quantum reactionspace for the character's behavior into a more manageable format and also helped me solidify my own perspective for not just playing Riful in RP, but writing her in fic later on, and should be taken as a running commentary on a work in progress rather than a definitive statement. But there's so much of it that I found useful to get out and to be able to put into coherent form that I'm repro-ing it here to have so I can look back on it and work off the suggestions and aspirations I accumulated as a result; not all of this will likely be relevant to the actual playing out of tags, but it will all have an effect on the context of those tags, I think.


codetrainwreck [fred/blather] i said i needed to get some riful stuff straight b4 she shows up in aather again so i'm using this plurk for it

codetrainwreck since i'm in the headspace for it now

codetrainwreck so i might make some decent headway

shooting☆ I WANT TO SAY

shooting☆ I AM REALLY EXCITED

codetrainwreck but mute this if you don't want to hear thoughts on voreloli

codetrainwreck --fhglhdfk

shooting☆ also mukuro will be really excited too

codetrainwreck THAT MAKES ME HAPPY

codetrainwreck because i worried that a lot of people were like "ugh, what a load to deal with" wrt riful the first time around

shooting☆ i mean also lolterror BUT EXCITED TOO...

codetrainwreck hahahah

codetrainwreck but ANYWAY the thing with riful is that like

codetrainwreck i think she's pretty clearly a sociopath but at the same time not really?

codetrainwreck like aj desc'd how she views characters as kind of a quantum state

codetrainwreck and so in amnesia games it's tugging them oneway or the other within all these different waveforms

codetrainwreck and like with riful that's kind of how i tried to play it because

codetrainwreck like

codetrainwreck i go back and forth on whether she's a sociopath

codetrainwreck or whether she's a pragmatist with nonhuman thought patterns

codetrainwreck and the difference is that sociopaths tend to like

emirin lol hello i am no stranger to that club. /sits in this plurk

codetrainwreck lie, habitually

codetrainwreck and like

codetrainwreck i think that's riful, in the sense of that full-on socios do it because they don't ... care about other people

codetrainwreck so they don't ... care about lying to them if it gets what they want

codetrainwreck and for riful she just doesn't usually bother with lies b/c she doesn't care what people do, what can they do to *her*

codetrainwreck but it's not like she *doesn't* lie, it's just

codetrainwreck it's massaging the truth

codetrainwreck or it's the kind of polite fiction thing

codetrainwreck where everyone involved knows it's not true but it's impolite to say it aloud

codetrainwreck but at the same time, not ... really

codetrainwreck because riful'

codetrainwreck s generally p honest

codetrainwreck she doesn't tell people she's not going to kill them if they help her

codetrainwreck she tells them if you help me you might survive

codetrainwreck which is ... a fine line but it's still

codetrainwreck but the reason i'm not sure where she falls on the socio line is because canon shows she genuinely loved dauf

codetrainwreck and while that's a fucked up relationship

codetrainwreck it was still genuine, in its way.

codetrainwreck it was sweet, just sweet by completely nonhuman definitions of the term

codetrainwreck and heavily tilted towards sadomasochism

codetrainwreck riful needs someone *devoted* to her

codetrainwreck the thing that makes riful somewhat difficult to play is that the more memories she gets back the more solidified the idea that she is above

codetrainwreck others becomes in her head

codetrainwreck so her relationships by default become subjugatory

codetrainwreck which is difficult to play out when you don't want to come off like you're trying to have your chara walk all over someone else's

codetrainwreck but it's OOC for her not to try and force her personality on people

codetrainwreck when she feels like she wants to stake a claim.

codetrainwreck the way i got around it before is that it's IC for her not to give a shit most of the time

codetrainwreck the problem with that tho is that if she doesn't give a shit it's also IC for her to wander off and take a nap

codetrainwreck and just ... nap for like fifty years.

codetrainwreck which is not conducive to play.

the pwned hero erehwesle: It's strange because Sion and her kind of get along even if they are on opposite sides of the spectrum?

codetrainwreck SO it's a fine line between "investment" and "detachment"

codetrainwreck that i have to walk

codetrainwreck _realms: YEAH i kind of want to talk about her and sion because that is the thing that i feel illustrates riful's brain really nicely

codetrainwreck because the thing is once she killed him once she decided that made them friends, weirdly

codetrainwreck like she has this category of "people i am cool with" and murdering sion put him in that camp

codetrainwreck and part of the reason is that like

codetrainwreck and this is why i feel like she's only part socio and then part something completely alien

codetrainwreck because i've been playing it like

codetrainwreck she's a youma

codetrainwreck hat means humans are ... walking sacks of food to her

codetrainwreck this isn't something that she can change about herself

codetrainwreck --it's something that i think is possible to change about her in a heart game tho, so hint hint

codetrainwreck KEEP THAT IN MIND

codetrainwreck i've been plotting out a heart game for her since i sent the reapp in

codetrainwreck this is in some ways getting thoughts down in some orer to make that heartmap more efficient

codetrainwreck (sion's in her heart btw)

the pwned hero erehwesle:

codetrainwreck so the thing is

codetrainwreck the youma side of her

codetrainwreck --which i think is maybe the wrong way to talk about it because in riful's head there are no "sides" to herself that way, just aspects

SON OF JKROTOS I'll be excited to see riful back also |D

codetrainwreck but it's the quickst shortcut so whatevs

the pwned hero I think he grew to accept her exactly because he doesn't see her as human at all. So it's like... moral rules don't apply.

codetrainwreck so the youma part of her s like

codetrainwreck it eats people.

codetrainwreck that is what it does. instinctively, it exists to maim, murder, kill.

codetrainwreck mostly kill.

codetrainwreck the only thing that really satisfies it is human flesh.

codetrainwreck and what riful does is ... her response to "oh i am this thing" is to ... basically, she adapts

codetrainwreck if she realizes this is a thing she does/has to do

codetrainwreck "welp might as well enjoy it"

codetrainwreck so like when she realized she needed to learn how to be an efficient killer in order to survive and become a good claymore

codetrainwreck she decided to enjoy it!

codetrainwreck and when she became a youma who ate people to survive

codetrainwreck she decided to enjoy killing people, too!

codetrainwreck and what i've been ... trying to do with her in aather is that

codetrainwreck she's a socio who doesn't really ... think human all the time

codetrainwreck is how i tried to play it

codetrainwreck and so the fact that she killed people in aather is her trying to decide "well i don't need toe at these people"

codetrainwreck "because the kitchen gives me the food i need"

codetrainwreck --backtracking, at first the memories she got

codetrainwreck she didn't have a clear sense connected things to other things

codetrainwreck so she initially assumed, after the first couple memories

codetrainwreck that she killed because it's what she did and thus she decided okay i guess i enjoy murder

codetrainwreck and that was that!

codetrainwreck but it was also

codetrainwreck ... she didn't know what youma were

codetrainwreck or the connection to claymores

codetrainwreck so for lack of a better clue she assumed maybe torturing people to death made them all stronger

codetrainwreck she didn't know for SURE

codetrainwreck but the only way to find out was to test it ...

codetrainwreck so she decided she might as well enjoy it when she did

codetrainwreck hence, sion-murderin'.

codetrainwreck she wanted to see what would happen!

codetrainwreck what ended up happening was not what she'd hoped

codetrainwreck but it was ven better, because

codetrainwreck ... forgiveness from others isn't ... really something that exists in riful's worldview, per se

codetrainwreck so when sion was like "are *you* okay"

codetrainwreck she was just "... this is fascinating and also different, tell me more"

codetrainwreck and so she remora'd.

the pwned hero erehwesle:

codetrainwreck bah i keep getting sidetracked, THE POINT IS, riful keeps like, trying to get people to engage in mutual killfests because ... she has

codetrainwreck the requirement to eat human flesh but

codetrainwreck she lacks the actual *hunger* for it?

codetrainwreck like i decided to play it in aather like even without the urge for it nothing else stastes as good or satisfies as well or really

codetrainwreck makes her feel good like person-meat

codetrainwreck but that the kind of - she lacks the almost sexual sense of gratification/addiction youma have to it because that's a skill i slotted out

codetrainwreck so she's ... confused, i guess?

codetrainwreck because she knows she's incomplete

codetrainwreck so she's like

codetrainwreck this all makes her sound much more rudderless and uncertain than she really is

codetrainwreck because it's a defining character note of riful's that she is almost *never* uncertain

codetrainwreck so that's something to bear in mind

codetrainwreck she refuses to be uncertain

codetrainwreck so it's more that she's ... investigating the possibilities

codetrainwreck and the thing is, she's pretty clear remembering she likes killing

codetrainwreck and she's not the sort to have "is it me?" identity crises so she's like "i like killing"

codetrainwreck but she's also

codetrainwreck riful has a strong streak of pragmatism

codetrainwreck to the point that it comes off almost lazy

codetrainwreck and ngl there's a strong laziness angle there

codetrainwreck he's kind of like a cat

codetrainwreck a cannibalistic cat with razor tentacles

codetrainwreck but the laziness is like - it's pragmatic

codetrainwreck she's only lazy so long as she's not getting anything out of the situation

codetrainwreck and if she decides just straight killing isn't giving her what she wants in enough quanitity to offset

codetrainwreck the obvious negative side effects?

codetrainwreck she'll stop.

shooting☆ come back to aather so acedia can touch youuuuu

shooting☆ i will stop contributing nothing to this plurk

shooting☆ maybe

codetrainwreck she will straight up be like "okay this isn't fun anymore" and figure out something else.

codetrainwreck fkdhfkldfgh no keep saying things like that, it's encouraging

codetrainwreck but the thing is it has to *not be fun*

codetrainwreck which it ... that's difficult because being able to do that rinforced her sense of power over the rest of fred

codetrainwreck and it made her feel like the top of the pack

shooting☆ NO ONE WILL LET HIM TOUCH THEM IN PUBLIC 8( HE IS GETTING VERY ANNOYED ABOUT THIS.

SON OF JKROTOS power cap will make things interesting, huh |D

codetrainwreck which is how she expects to feel but it's not .... like she isn't insecure about it she's just

codetrainwreck this is how it's supposed to be!

codetrainwreck if it's not like that then obviously this will have to be corrected

codetrainwreck however YEAH power cap will make things VERY interesting

codetrainwreck because suddenly THINGS WILL EXHAUST HER

codetrainwreck and she will be like ...

codetrainwreck that will legit be unnerving

codetrainwreck and like i put in my reapp form that will make her upset

codetrainwreck nd frustrated

codetrainwreck nd she will not be happy

SON OF JKROTOS I admit I am super interested to see how her old dynamics will change now that so many people have more memories back

codetrainwreck but the thing i am currently wrestling with is what form of unhappy she will express

SON OF JKROTOS and powercap will put her on more even footing with most of fred

SON OF JKROTOS /WILL STALK...

codetrainwreck but a lot of that depends on ... the environment around her ...

codetrainwreck so it's kind of - hard to say

codetrainwreck because i put in the app that she may tantrum at mally a bit because of getting booked/getting powercapped but

codetrainwreck when i say "tantrum" with riful

codetrainwreck that can be anything from very calmly going "... this is wrong, fix it"

codetrainwreck to ripping apart the forest

codetrainwreck and it ... depends on things!

codetrainwreck also whether riful's actually strong enough to rip down the trees

codetrainwreck ... which she might not be, since they're reinforced by personae will aren't they :U

SON OF JKROTOS we're not allowed to lift cars any more 8(

codetrainwreck but the thing is i don't know how publicly she'll be distraught either

codetrainwreck since, again

codetrainwreck riful is incredibly self-centered but she's also

codetrainwreck ... incredibly pragmatic?

codetrainwreck like SHE DOES NOT WASTE MOVES

codetrainwreck she sits back and waits and pokes hard when it's time to strike

codetrainwreck but when she's stymied in ways she *doesn't* enjoy she tends to lash out

codetrainwreck like she enjoyed it when clare and jean and galatea routed her, but ... she also ended that confrontation in control

codetrainwreck of the situation

codetrainwreck ceding the field to them wasn't defeat, it was letting them live.

codetrainwreck whereas later on

codetrainwreck when that claymore whose name escapes me palms a youki-suppressant and then escapes while riful's distracted

codetrainwreck riful tantrums so intensely she tentacles the top half of the trees around the castle clean off

codetrainwreck and where the difference is for me, at least the difference that i key in on

codetrainwreck is that in the former, riful is playing power politics

codetrainwreck in the latter, riful is legit *fighting for her life*

codetrainwreck and so losing that claymore isn't just a minor setback, it may be her *last chance* to get out alive slipping from her grasp

codetrainwreck and so i'm like

codetrainwreck i go back and forth on just how sadistic riful *really* would be without like

codetrainwreck having had the life she did!

codetrainwreck like she'd still be sociopathic i think

codetrainwreck but would she take pleasure in being the monster

codetrainwreck in the same way

codetrainwreck if she ... hadn't been a claymore first?

codetrainwreck because claymores get shit for respect

codetrainwreck they're treated as nothing more than sensate tools by the organization

codetrainwreck humans fear them

codetrainwreck they are not really human

codetrainwreck which is not a bad thing

codetrainwreck but they're told it is

codetrainwreck they are told to kep themselves in control

codetrainwreck and they spend their days killing the things that they're being told they have inside them

codetrainwreck and essentially they are all people who really, really, REALLY have learned to derive joy from killing.

codetrainwreck and the thing is they're not inherently monsters, but they're spat on by the people they're supposed to be loyal to!

codetrainwreck claymores have a duty and responsibility to protect humans from youma

codetrainwreck but they aren't ... respected for it

codetrainwreck they're a "necessary evil" in the yes of the world

codetrainwreck and they're a means to an end for the org

codetrainwreck which, thinking about it

codetrainwreck if you're ... riful

codetrainwreck you're stronger than these sacks of meat

codetrainwreck you're better

codetrainwreck you don't need their respect

codetrainwreck you get their fear

codetrainwreck maybe you deserve their fear!

codetrainwreck after all, you could break them with a single slap of your wrist.

codetrainwreck so why fight to protect them?

codetrainwreck no, you fight because it's a way to test yourself

codetrainwreck and you don't care what others think of it

codetrainwreck and then one day you realize that all these restrictions are a form of imposing weakness on you

codetrainwreck all the reasons "you can't"

codetrainwreck are just imposed by the fear of others

codetrainwreck because if you *did*, you'd be better than they are

codetrainwreck and they need to control you, because they're afraid of you. and they should be.

SON OF JKROTOS I think it's pretty notable that we don't see a lot of Claymores breaking away from the Organization prior to Awakening, though?

codetrainwreck well riful wa the first female generation, remember

SON OF JKROTOS except for when the Org creates huge mass torture/murder scenarios olol

codetrainwreck i think the org changed their pitch, a little

codetrainwreck which ... i haven't done much with in riful's headcanon, in aather

codetrainwreck but the thing is i always got the heavy implication that there were a *lot* of awakenings in the beginning? accidental or intenttional

codetrainwreck but most of them weren't strong enough to survive till later

SON OF JKROTOS hmmyeah

codetrainwreck and in riful's case, well

codetrainwreck it's canon that she ... pretty much singlehandedly nearly wiped out her entire generation ...

codetrainwreck at least that's how i always interpreted that line

codetrainwreck so like

codetrainwreck the way i always saw it was that most claymores are either

codetrainwreck they feel they have a *duty* to protect people, due to their life

codetrainwreck or they have a need for *revenge* on youma

codetrainwreck and those drives are powerful enough that like

codetrainwreck they stay with the org because it makes them feel justified and/or gives them a sense of structure

codetrainwreck being with the other claymores may help them stay "human" as it were? or just having an authority to report to.

codetrainwreck but one of the other implications is that early generations of claymores weren't like ... you can reasonably infer that

codetrainwreck like the whole emotional suppression thing a lot of the claymores we meet in the manga have going on

codetrainwreck that severe asceticism

codetrainwreck i think it makes sense, given how the awakened carry themselves, that that may be something taught to the claymores?

codetrainwreck and that the first few generations it ... wasn't quite so rigidly enforced?

codetrainwreck idk that was always my take on it.

SON OF JKROTOS Especially not the guys :|a

codetrainwreck HAHA YEAH ESPECIALLY NOT THE DUDES

codetrainwreck so i always figured maybe one of the reasons riful awoke was that she was just ... never repressed enough so it was kind of

codetrainwreck "i feel, therefore i awakened"

codetrainwreck but idthink riful ever really felt like a part of the human race even before she had a reason to think that (much less a term to put to it)

codetrainwreck which ... i have totally gotten off track with where i wanted to go with this, where was i

codetrainwreck so i can't remember

codetrainwreck sob even

codetrainwreck oh right

codetrainwreck WHAT I WAS TRYING TO GET AT WAS that i think that like

codetrainwreck while "kinder gentler" is not what i am going for

codetrainwreck the possibility exists that riful could, idk

codetrainwreck LEARN TO GET ALONG?

codetrainwreck she will have to, but it will be like ... i need to actually get her interacting before i can figure out how that will ... happen

codetrainwreck because i feel like and this is just personal interpretation for how i want to take her IN AATHER

codetrainwreck not necessarily how i would write her in *every* game

codetrainwreck but that riful is ... capable of being a protector figure, if a very ... unsafe one

codetrainwreck sort of like "i might want to kill and eat you one day, no one else do it first" in a way?

codetrainwreck which again goes back to sion

codetrainwreck b/c she kind of is like

codetrainwreck "... i want you to try and kill me again one day, i'll be sad if you die"

codetrainwreck and o yes

codetrainwreck HER THING ... WITH MUKURO ...

codetrainwreck is very different because that's much more ... overtly antagonistic ... but it's also much more exciting for her, in a way

shooting☆ \: D/

codetrainwreck like she honestly does not think of mukuro as competition/an exciting fight after what happened, but

codetrainwreck she thinks of mukuro as kind of ... "oh it's a tiny"

codetrainwreck "i think i'll play"

codetrainwreck and not "tiny" in terms of like ... age or size but

codetrainwreck in terms of "can you put your money where your mouth is"

shooting☆ I HAVE SKILLZ NOW RIFUL!11

shooting☆ ... ok a. skill. that is useful in combat.

codetrainwreck and - fsdklglkdf SO EXCITE

shooting☆ and a sex drive.

codetrainwreck but anyway also not in terms of SKILL but in terms of EMOTIONAL SECURITY?

codetrainwreck because he talks a big game but she realized after their encounter IT WAS NOT REALLY ...

codetrainwreck like he thought highly but he wasn't high himself ... yet

codetrainwreck and she was like "... i'll come back when he's less stringy"????

codetrainwreck but at the same time it's similar with sion where like

shooting☆ he is a reacher!1 buh i hartz their interaction but i love any of the interactions that stretch mukuro to fit his swagger (or attempt to)

codetrainwreck SHE WILL PROBABLY HANG WITH HIM

codetrainwreck BECAUSE SHE DOESn'T NEED TO JUSTIFY/EXPLAIN HERSELF

codetrainwreck no feelings clubbbbbb :|b

codetrainwreck like he keeps her on her toes which sometimes gets tiresome! but.

codetrainwreck riful doesn't mind being challenged! but on her own schedule.

codetrainwreck and at her own pace.

codetrainwreck so when people challenge her there's a 50/50 shot she'll get fed up and walk away

codetrainwreck or well

codetrainwreck here's supposed to be, but i'm shit at walking away from itneresting cr opportunities

codetrainwreck also because lol comment count would be so terrible otherwise ....

codetrainwreck so sometimes i would try to massage it so she had reasons to stick around which ... may not have been wise but it got me lots of interaction

codetrainwreck it was never like ... i forced her ooc, just

codetrainwreck i tried to look at the situation and see if there was something that might intrigue her and if i could find something she stuck around!

codetrainwreck and usually i could find something.

codetrainwreck ANOTHER THING that i am gonna do a lot more of when i get in isssss mingles.

codetrainwreck and one of the reasons i will be posting a lot of mingles is because riful does nnnnot necessarily engage with a lot of people but

codetrainwreck SHE WATCHES

codetrainwreck and i am like

codetrainwreck i felt awk about this actually

codetrainwreck because at the time fred was a VERY SMALL SIZE GEOGRAPHICALLY

codetrainwreck you could walk it in minutes!

codetrainwreck and i was like "welp"

codetrainwreck "that is not very big"

codetrainwreck "and if you're observant you can probably observe A LOT OF SHIT GOING ON"

codetrainwreck "just by wandering around in the forest, creepering by the cabins"

codetrainwreck "and sitting in the tree watching people as they do their thing and wander by"

codetrainwreck and like

codetrainwreck i know this from personal experience YOU WOULD BE AMAZED THE THINGS PEOPLE GIVE AWAY ABOUT THEIR PERSONALITIES JUST IN THEIR DAILY BUSINESS

codetrainwreck and riful being riful and a socio with lots of time on her hands because lol knight

codetrainwreck would ... be naturally in a position to take advantage of that

codetrainwreck and i ... have no idea how to actually just ... put that on-screen anywhere

codetrainwreck but i never finished the off-screen meme i had to actually say "chances are, riful is creepering near you RIGHT NOW"

codetrainwreck before i had to drop her.

codetrainwreck but it's a thing she was doing.

codetrainwreck and it made me awk because it made sense to me but it often felt like i didn't know how to explain what was going on

codetrainwreck and i was worried, a few times, that it seemed like ooc godmoding

codetrainwreck but it's just like

codetrainwreck if people were having a conversation in the clearing, it's not like other people couldn't see the gesturing/overhear bits of it.

codetrainwreck so like one of the reasons i would be doinggg more mingles is so i could have a helpful note of

codetrainwreck "if you are in X location rn riful will be creepering nearby" etc

codetrainwreck but one nice thing about bringing riful in again is that like

codetrainwreck aather is now so big and vast THIS WILL PROBABLY NOT BE ANY GRIEF ANYMORE

codetrainwreck because there is so much around now

codetrainwreck that it's not like riful can just park herself in the tree and watch damn near everything like it used to feel like she could

codetrainwreck because of just how much always seemed to happen in the damn clearing

codetrainwreck which. is nice. because it makes me feel less like i need to keep track of everything to be IC

codetrainwreck .... which is hilariously similar now that i say it aloud to what _realms was bemoaning re: sion earlier

codetrainwreck just in COMPLETELY THE OPPOSITE WAY

codetrainwreck lol.

codetrainwreck oh god i'm running out of steam but there'ss till things i want to try and hammer ouuuuut

codetrainwreck like, one of the things that i want to see happen with riful when she comes back is an actual kind of ONYX INTERVENTION because like

codetrainwreck given the situation she's entering into when she reintros

codetrainwreck .... the rest of onyx sitting her down and being like "we want to coexist with you but we NEED TO TRUST YOU TO DO X AND Y AND Z"

codetrainwreck --it might actually get somewhere, if she's had time to think.

codetrainwreck idk if it would happen or could happen but it's something that would be ... i think, necessary for riful to stay playable consistently?

codetrainwreck because like it's sometimes a tug of war with riful

codetrainwreck between what's IC for her

codetrainwreck and what will actually make it possible to get threads with people!

codetrainwreck like i am always torn on whether i warn for threading with her TOO MUCH or NOT ENOUGH

codetrainwreck because riful is someone who can be legitimately dangerous to bore

codetrainwreck because if she starts to tune out then she's going to find ways to stay interested

codetrainwreck and the problem is she does not come from a mindset where playtime means "tiddlywinks".

codetrainwreck but, again, IF IT IS NOT WORTH IT, SHE WILL NOT DO IT.

codetrainwreck she's never found it worth it to provoke lloyd! for example.

codetrainwreck because there's no joy in it.

SON OF JKROTOS 8|

codetrainwreck hilariously this is because he's enough like her mentally that it's clear their inability to meet ideologically

codetrainwreck is unresolvable

codetrainwreck so there's nothing to gain from it.

codetrainwreck a lot of "how i play riful" comes down to cost/benefit, which shouldn't be surprising

codetrainwreck she antagonizes mithos because his angst is ... well

codetrainwreck it's funny to her and also pathetic

codetrainwreck and ... well duh, she likes it when people are afraid of her.

SON OF JKROTOS that is also going to be an interesting thing when she gets back -- Mithos and Lloyd have both gotten back enough memories that I doubt--

SON OF JKROTOS --she'll be able to intimidate them at all any more

codetrainwreck oh yeah

codetrainwreck which

codetrainwreck either she's going to be annoyed

codetrainwreck *orrrrr* she's going to be like

codetrainwreck "... well, i was gone so long, it's only natural!"

codetrainwreck and just /shrug and move on.

codetrainwreck WHICH, AGAIN, which way she responds depends on the circumstances ...

codetrainwreck just don't treat her like an insignificant ant or she'll be cranky because it'll be legit worrying for her

codetrainwreck see also: PRISCILLA

codetrainwreck god i keep getting distracted from that thing i intend to talk about

codetrainwreck which is DAUF

codetrainwreck because riful loev dauf

codetrainwreck and it's kind of a broken sort of love because it really is built around the fact that he loves her, and only her

codetrainwreck and that he's *so strong* but she's stronger

codetrainwreck and that like, she can pretend to be weak with him?

codetrainwreck like how she talks about him in such hetero terms

codetrainwreck very big-strong-guy keep-damsel-safe

codetrainwreck idk.

codetrainwreck their relationship is definitely one founded on violence, but with riful firmly in control - she just likes the roleplay of having

codetrainwreck that kind of "standard" relationship where she cedes control, without actually *ceding* it

codetrainwreck it's a thin line, and she plays with it in her relationship with sion and mukuro

codetrainwreck with mukuro a bit ore, ahahaha, *blatantly*

codetrainwreck because ... yes.

codetrainwreck yes. that tug of war is kind of the basis for what she gets off on with him.

codetrainwreck the problem obviously being there's only so far that can escalate.

codetrainwreck before someone gives.

codetrainwreck and neither mukuro nor riful are capable of surrender.

codetrainwreck which is something i think riful recognizes, which is why she was kind of like "... this isn't going to give me what i want"

codetrainwreck so if they get invovled again she's going to be taking a different approach, probablyyyy

codetrainwreck because riful wants someone she can ... well, that she can "break", but who won't break.

codetrainwreck because dauf can take every kind of punishment she could dish out, and still come back for more, and that's what she really *wants* -

codetrainwreck someone devoted enough to beg for her attentions ... and strong enough to survive her attentions.

codetrainwreck she doesn't want to just break someone! she wants them to keep coming back!

codetrainwreck she wants them stronger and stronger!

codetrainwreck (but not stronger than she is, or she'll have to kill them.)

codetrainwreck so sometimes i worry i'm playing her ooc because i don't think she's seeking out people *dumb* enough to counterbalance their danger to her

codetrainwreck because that's her canonical type: strong as an ox, dumber than a sack of hammers

codetrainwreck since that is ... basically clare, too, and IT IS AHRD TO ARGUE RIFUL AIn'T *SOMETHING* AT CLARE SOMETIMES

codetrainwreck (clare may be smarter than the average Idiot Hero but that doesn't mean by claymore standards she isn't the Idiot Hero anyway)

codetrainwreck (NO, CLARE, THE CORRECT ANSWER IS *NEVER* "RUN *TOWARDS* PRISCILLA" ...)

codetrainwreck but idk, riful also likes taking risks and i think

codetrainwreck IN THE ABSENCE OF DAUF, SOME EXPERIMENTATION IS REQUIRED

codetrainwreck (well she likes taking risks if she feels they aren't really risky to *her* ...)

codetrainwreck so it's like "hmm what is my type, LET'S TRY YOU"

codetrainwreck and thus.

codetrainwreck i think i am almost out of things.

codetrainwreck ONE LAST THOUGHT

codetrainwreck i am ngl

codetrainwreck i apped riful because i enjoy the occasional spot of vore

codetrainwreck and wanted to get the chance to vore somebody in a game

codetrainwreck so i will be super sad if i don't get the chance to do that at some point.

codetrainwreck which is something that cannot really happen for a while because i do not think she's had the necessary skill unlocks to actually do

codetrainwreck the necessary chomping.

codetrainwreck but I STILL HOPE SHE GETS TO EAT SOMEBODY EVENTUALLY.

codetrainwreck oh, right

codetrainwreck tact and riful!

codetrainwreck riful thinks being tactless is funny. also, being tactless gives her more privilege to say whatever the fuck she feels like.

codetrainwreck because if people have this image of her as "tactless" then they might still be unsettled by what she says but

codetrainwreck they won't be startled enough to do anythng about it, since

codetrainwreck "oh, it's just riful, she says what's on her mind like that."

codetrainwreck "she won't really do it, though." OR WILL SHE.

codetrainwreck (she certainly might try.)

codetrainwreck (with the power cap she probably won't succeed, though.)

codetrainwreck WHICH IS WHY SHE MAY NEED TO START USING DIFFERENT TACTICS IN PERSONAL INTERACTION

codetrainwreck the power cap is going to make things verrrrry interesting

codetrainwreck because she won't be able to do as much and it will be more exhausting to do that much less!

codetrainwreck and that will be VERY UNNERVING i think i said that already.

codetrainwreck riful will be SO MUCH UNHAPPY

codetrainwreck WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE WOOOOORK

codetrainwreck okay i think i have officially run out of brain

codetrainwreck there

codetrainwreck i should just essay on plurk from now on, i won't get stage fright about having no train of thought


codetrainwreck [another day, another bout of blather about riful]

codetrainwreck i feel i don't say this enough, given how much of my plurks are often "GOD THIS GIVES ME A HEADACHE"

codetrainwreck but i really like playing riful. really, truly.

codetrainwreck sometimes i think about the fact that playing an immortal 14-yo cannibal is a happy place for me

codetrainwreck and wonder where everything went wrong

codetrainwreck but most of the time i'm like "fuck y'all it's just a character, idc"

codetrainwreck IF IT WORKS, IT WORKS, I GUESS.

[ ](● - ●)[ ] *where everything went right

[ ](● - ●)[ ] fix'd

codetrainwreck hahahahadjsfksdh

codetrainwreck but anyway one of the things about riful i am ... cautious about handling is that she iiis

codetrainwreck i often call her a "sociopathic pragmatist" and i still think that's the best desc i could manage

codetrainwreck depending on the day the socio aspect or the pragmatic aspect could be more in play

codetrainwreck depending on mood or whatever

codetrainwreck but what that lets me do is that sometimes i want to write things that are frighteningly dispassionate and observant and tactically vicious

codetrainwreck and sometimes i'm just like "welp i feel like i want to fuck with someone's head for lulz"

codetrainwreck or "welp i want to write something COMPLETEY RIDICULOUS"

codetrainwreck and riful being both a pragmatist and a sociopath lets me ... do that.

codetrainwreck because she is both hella tactically observant

codetrainwreck and also hella unconcerned with doing anything except what sounds like it ought to work

codetrainwreck so there's this mix of "... i am actually REALLY SMART, but sometimes i lose interest in my train of thought halfway through" to play with.

codetrainwreck i don't think i play this up enough tbh so i'm hoping to do more with that when she gets back into fred

codetrainwreck but the thing is, her plans are usually really tactically sound plans, but

codetrainwreck she usually only thinks through them SO FAR

codetrainwreck because she is ... incapable of seeing all the options, i guess?

codetrainwreck it's like - she is naturally a frigging genius but she ... doesn't have an actual *background* in it so there's all this raw talent

codetrainwreck and cunning there to be frightening at people with

codetrainwreck but she doesn't have any ... focus on it or education in it

codetrainwreck just the law of experience

codetrainwreck which ... based on what we've seen, is very much in the physicality therein

codetrainwreck she isn't terrible at emotional manipulation, she just ... doesn't really ...

codetrainwreck emotions aren't things she gets i guess?

codetrainwreck she HAS THEM, okay but they're kind of - flatter than everybody else's

codetrainwreck this is why when i talk about her emotions i often feel like my word choices are too forcefu

codetrainwreck ...l

codetrainwreck because while SOMETIMES she feels things with intensity usually she is just .... "oh, you're angry ..."

codetrainwreck "/pokes you, WHY IS THAT"

codetrainwreck generally speaking she is in control of her emotions, unlike a lot of characters i play

codetrainwreck she's very ... riful is very self-controlled/self-determining

codetrainwreck and unlike some people who are like "i am IN CONTROL OF MYSELF" but really slaves to their psyche

codetrainwreck ... no, riful genuinely is that kind of self-aware almost zen sort of chill about herself

codetrainwreck mostly because i think she doesn't try to ... CONTROL it?

codetrainwreck she lets herself feel things and then is like "ok i feel this, what should i do about it ..."

codetrainwreck and then she considers her options.

codetrainwreck which makes it sound more intellectual than it is maybe but again

codetrainwreck riful like

codetrainwreck grew up in this WORLD OF VIOLENCE

codetrainwreck this world where you people really ... it was either learn how to - goddammit what's the word i'm looking for

codetrainwreck i'm not talking about PTSD-style flattening

codetrainwreck i'm talking about that kind of warzone mentality you get that can ... easily cause it, though

codetrainwreck where you start to lose that ability to see the world around you in terms of anything but necessity

codetrainwreck for your survival and success

codetrainwreck and it can look ruthless but it's really just the concept of triage applied to every inch of your life

codetrainwreck and i think that, like

codetrainwreck the world of claymore is this feudal society where the tech level is ... pretty genuinely medieval

codetrainwreck and there's uh, evidently ...

codetrainwreck outside of the organization there has not been much in the way of social advancement for probably centuries

codetrainwreck b/c of just how violently suppressive the presence of youma would have to be on the populace

codetrainwreck and okay feudal socieites are already pretty shit to live in

codetrainwreck but when it's a feudal society CONSTANTLY UNDER THREAT OF MONSTER RAMPAGE

codetrainwreck that creates a kind of perpetual hypervigilance i think?

codetrainwreck alongside a perpetual awareness of ... hierarchy

codetrainwreck yes, that's the word i'm looking for

codetrainwreck those with the power to rule/control the land are the ones who deserve it/earn it, those without

codetrainwreck ... are the ones who fall beneath them

codetrainwreck and if you're ...

codetrainwreck well imagine you're a socipath who - riful does not wear pretty clothes, riful doesn't seem to have *any* attachment to clothes and that -

codetrainwreck that, to me, suggests a kind of background where what you wore wasn't as important as just that it was something to wear

codetrainwreck the clothes on your back don't matter so long as they're on your back

codetrainwreck so i don't think riful was from a very wealthy background.

codetrainwreck this is kind of something i was playing with in aather

codetrainwreck a little bit

codetrainwreck with her clothing choices and her kind of ... abuse of them?

codetrainwreck because for her, she was kind of ... contemptuous an also kind of excited at the idea that KNIGHTS NEVER RAN OUT OF CLOTHES

codetrainwreck and then goldie tried to dress her in pretty things and she was like "i have never worn anything so nice in my life"

codetrainwreck ".... /treats it like every other dress, i guess \/?"

codetrainwreck but anyway like i was saying

codetrainwreck i don't ... think riful comes from money. at all. she carries herself the wrong way - she carries herself like

codetrainwreck someone who looked at the people in power, saw they were *above* her, and decided "i'm going to be higher than they are someday"

codetrainwreck "because i deserve it more than they do"

codetrainwreck and that was that, because power felt Right to her

codetrainwreck and so she just went through life waiting for opportunity to come and then when it did she was there to take it

codetrainwreck it like, would never have occurred to her that it might not actually come.

codetrainwreck her faith in herself is just that unshakeable.

codetrainwreck which is what makes her different from other characters i play, in that riful ... does not self doubt?

codetrainwreck she sometimes considers in retrospect whether that was the right course of action

codetrainwreck but she doesn't ever have a crisis of faith in herself, that *she* might be a bad person

codetrainwreck or wrong

codetrainwreck she may have been working under a false impression but she is never inherently wrong!

codetrainwreck which is why riful is not capable of "petulance"

SON OF JKROTOS ...this is why Riful and Lloyd sort of get along...

codetrainwreck she can be lpetty, she can be *childish*, she can get angry and throw things

codetrainwreck but she ... does not get "petulant" like, say, asuka would

codetrainwreck because asuka has that inner voice that says she's a terrible person, maybe she deserves this and that drives her to self-destruct

codetrainwreck but riful does not have that break in confidence

SON OF JKROTOS YAY FOR NOT HAVING THAT VOICE \o/

codetrainwreck she's incapable of it!

codetrainwreck if things go wrong she rolls with it, it's obviously something outside and can be dealt with/fixed/compensated for

codetrainwreck she just has to figure out ... how

codetrainwreck and sometimes it's offensive enough to her sensibilities that she strikes back at it, first

codetrainwreck like "YOU CANNOT DO THIS TO ME, I'LL SHOW YOU"

codetrainwreck but given a moment she will usually recover/reconsider

codetrainwreck and be like "well i can still keep going"

codetrainwreck "I CAN MANAGE, SOMEHOW, IT'S WHY I AM THE MOST POWERFUL"

codetrainwreck there is that solipsistic edge to her too.

codetrainwreck she will always find a way to justify that she is the arbiter of the world in front of her

codetrainwreck if it seems like she's not the best that's just because everyone else is looking at it wrong

codetrainwreck and this isn't because she's insecure it's because no she genuinely believes that she determines the will of the universe

codetrainwreck and if it gets hard for her then that's just because she feels like a challenge, clearly.

codetrainwreck which goes back to how she doesn't really lose control of her emotions, again

codetrainwreck because if that's how you approach reality, then obviously

codetrainwreck even if you get emotionally rattled once in a while

codetrainwreck how would you manage to *stay* rattled?

codetrainwreck this is all you, after all, there must be sense to it, you just have to think about it a bit

codetrainwreck it's all to the good.

codetrainwreck LOGIC.

codetrainwreck like

codetrainwreck even her gut reaction of "THIS IS HORRIBLE AND SHOULD NEVER HAVE EXISTED, I AM ABOUT TO DIE AND THAT IS BAD"

codetrainwreck when she meets priscilla

codetrainwreck and the fact that thereafter she is almost ... *driven* by that mind-flaying *terror*

codetrainwreck that doesn't change the fact that it's quickly channeled/overriden into "and that means i need to find a way to beat her"

the pwned hero erehwesle: That kind of makes me think of how DYD world is also medieval and cruel (rape, famine, murder, endless war)

the pwned hero But we are in fact dealing with the characters who are trying to break the cycle.

the pwned hero So there are things Sion and Riful have in common, and things they don't.

codetrainwreck /nodnod

codetrainwreck i think one of the reasons riful hangs with sion, tbh, is he's got money and she goes /intrigued at signs of material wealth

the pwned hero Like, Sion also understands that power belongs to those who can keep it.

codetrainwreck like in canon

codetrainwreck she specifically picks old,. long-abandoned ruins or keeps/castles/whatever as her hideaways

codetrainwreck i think she likes the sense of having survived these things, that she is living in these *material* testaments to someone's presence

the pwned hero And being alive, having food, being healthy are top priorities.

codetrainwreck /nod

the pwned hero And that incompetency and uncontrollable threats can be fatal.

codetrainwreck those are such habitual things for riful to prioritize that she ... i think she sometimes discounts that other people have other concerns

codetrainwreck that could be relevant to her not having those things.

codetrainwreck like not discredits but that it never gets to the point where they register on her as "well that's a thing you feel, ok then"

codetrainwreck er, on her as anything *but* that

codetrainwreck and sion is just .... it's not like with mithos

the pwned hero But he believes the collective will always be stronger than the individual. So tightly united communities do best.

codetrainwreck mithos is different! they could have been the same but mithos has such a ... constant cloud of

codetrainwreck /self-judging!!!!!

codetrainwreck and also a refusal to accept the ... responsibility of power, yes, that's the phrase

codetrainwreck mithos inherently has issues with power vs. the responsibility of it

the pwned hero Which I guess is where Sion and Riful diverge in their way of coping with their respective worlds.

codetrainwreck whereas sion is much more "i know how this works, but can i still use that in my way of doing things without compromise"

SON OF JKROTOS ...Lloyd was a lot closer to Riful's mentality than Mithos even in canon

SON OF JKROTOS Mithos is kind of primarily driven by wanting acceptance and bitterness at not being accepted for like... his whole story...

codetrainwreck and riful is just like ... "youuuuuu're gonna break"

codetrainwreck "but you seem to know that so"

codetrainwreck "/popcorn.gif"

codetrainwreck yeah

codetrainwreck he never gets to a point where he accepts himself, is ... i think the crux of it

codetrainwreck riful just responds better to people who accept who they are!!!!!

SON OF JKROTOS yeah, and he's a lot closer to that point in Aather than he *ever* was in canon, I am pretty sure -- you'd have to talk to Seth but

SON OF JKROTOS Lloyd is hilarious because that whole thing you wrote about ALWAYS BELIEVING IN YOURSELF is almost exactly what I wrote about him

SON OF JKROTOS in another essay XD

codetrainwreck I REMEMBER THAT ESSAY I THINK

codetrainwreck lol

SON OF JKROTOS "Why Lloyd Irving Kind Of Freaks Me Out," yes

the pwned hero That and the fact that Riful is a youma.

codetrainwreck yeah that one

SON OF JKROTOS though there's no touch of solipsism in Lloyd's self-confidence

codetrainwreck yeah riful is like not human this is a thing.

SON OF JKROTOS he doesn't think the world is there for him, he just... thinks he can absolutely change it

codetrainwreck idk how much of a thing but like, again.

codetrainwreck food/alive/healthy is such a thing in riful's brain that it's like. SHE EATS PEOPLE, OKAY THEN, SO SHE EATS PEOPLE

codetrainwreck yeah lloyd and riful are similar but not the same at all

codetrainwreck i mean i think riful - you could interpret her that way too tbh, i just think there's definitely a "the world is only for meee" edge to her

codetrainwreck that i *prsonally* think is worth registering ...

codetrainwreck what i mean by OKAY SO SHE EATS PEOPLE is that like

codetrainwreck shevalues her health that way so when she looks at people and there's this ping in her head

codetrainwreck that's like "this is food/this smells tasty"

codetrainwreck she doesn't have that ... guilt that someone else might have

codetrainwreck where they go "but is this really okay"

SON OF JKROTOS Gosh that angle is fun to play with.

codetrainwreck she's spent so long in that headspace of "if it gets you what you need, do what you got to to get it"

codetrainwreck that it genuinely only occurs to her for a second that this is an *inhuman act*

codetrainwreck or whatever

codetrainwreck she never really put much stock in being human anyway

codetrainwreck if it wasn't going to get her where she wanted to be then it didn't deserve to last!

codetrainwreck oh i guess i eat people. that makes me a monster. o wel.

codetrainwreck this is literally as much thought as she put into it, the justifications came later.

codetrainwreck i mean there's also the whole thing with claymores where

codetrainwreck most likely she heard people call her a monster a *lot*

codetrainwreck at some point she just kind of ... looked at this label and went

codetrainwreck ".... yes, i *am* the monster"

codetrainwreck "if monster means i am stronger than you and you are weaker, then i'll always be a monster"

codetrainwreck "i am 0k with this"

codetrainwreck and then she decided it was a badge of pride to be called inhuman/a monster, the end

codetrainwreck and that was before she realized now those same weaklings looked like food

codetrainwreck which funnily enough now made explicit the metaphor she'd always observed before

codetrainwreck that those without power were nothing more than portions on a plate, to be divided up and chewed and spat back out by those with power

codetrainwreck so hah.

codetrainwreck that's cute, i'm going to enjoy this, you look good enough to eat, NOM.

codetrainwreck something along those lines I HAVE GIVEN WAY TOO MUCH THOUGHT TO HOW RIFUL ENDED UP WHERE SHE DID

codetrainwreck sometimes i get about it, tbh

codetrainwreck but mostly i don't think i'm really extrapolating all *that* much, i'm just analyzing what's there.

codetrainwreck because at the end of the day riful realyl is a very simple character and what i tend to focus on is how to best illustrate that fact

codetrainwreck by "simple* i don't mean she isn't very complex, just that she's *clear* in who she is

codetrainwreck there isn't a whole lot of elaboration necessary on *what* she is, just considerations on how/what/why she is

codetrainwreck .... take that second "what" out i'm dumb

codetrainwreck or change the first "what" to "who", yes, that works better

codetrainwreck IDK MAN IDK

codetrainwreck clearly i just like talking about riful endlessly, huh.

agamemnon that all makes sense to me! /chinhands

codetrainwreck \o/

codetrainwreck i .... could probably make a rifulplurk a day and i would still not run out of material i want to talk about for a very long time, sob


codetrainwreck [oh god she's talking about the voreloli again, mute it]

codetrainwreck I TOLD YOU I COULD KEEP GOING

codetrainwreck today we are discussing viscera!!!!

codetrainwreck as in bodily fluids and meat.

codetrainwreck and why i don't think riful has a sex drive per so

codetrainwreck i think, as may perhaps be obvious from the direction my thoughts tend to take

codetrainwreck that riful has more a *power* drive

codetrainwreck and that sexual sadism/subjugation is a part of that.

codetrainwreck and that also any sexual expression she pursues is tangled up in her youma nature;

codetrainwreck if it looks good enough to fuck, it looks good enough to brutalize and to eat. etc.

codetrainwreck so if she's actually attracted to someone i would ... run

codetrainwreck i would run far away

codetrainwreck if i were that person.

codetrainwreck but for the most part i think riful uses sexualized actions and sex behavior as tools of power.

codetrainwreck essentially she approaches them as toys she can play with to troll people; there's rarely genuine emotion involved

codetrainwreck she can recognize attractiveness and acknowledge it

codetrainwreck it just isn't what interests her, primarily!

codetrainwreck see also lol she's lifetime partners with dauf

codetrainwreck and she ain't with him because of his looks

codetrainwreck i mean he *can* be attractive - he's attractive often enough i can't pretend there isn't shallowness involved

codetrainwreck but he's not pretty. he's got a lump for a face that looks rugged and brawny and thus atractive for the strength of its features

codetrainwreck but it's not like ... sry pretty dudes, you're kinda frail-lookin'.

codetrainwreck she is attracted to people for their personality! the rest is just gravy.

codetrainwreck and she is not just attracted to dudes.

codetrainwreck she comes from the socity she comes from though

codetrainwreck so she habitually thinks of men as most likely to be "stronger"

codetrainwreck she considers people like herself the exception - the deserving exception but they're still the exception

codetrainwreck but like

codetrainwreck iiiiiii think for riful the idea of actually engaging in a serious and dependent relationship on someone who isn't capable of keeping up

codetrainwreck would never occur to her naturally

codetrainwreck and i think if dauf stopped being the best option she would drop him like a hot potato.

codetrainwreck i do think she genuinely loves him - i don't think her reaction to him dying leaves any doubt of that fact

codetrainwreck but i think if he became too much a burden she just might leave him? idk i'm conflicted on that one

codetrainwreck because there are numerous times where she could, and she doesn't. so :|a

codetrainwreck if she loves someone i guess she's dedicated to them enough to be like that, and she loves dauf, in her own way

codetrainwreck but i guess the thing is she wouldn't leave him by choice but if she had no choice she'd cut her losses.

codetrainwreck see also: fred!

codetrainwreck where she has no dauf, knows she loves him, and believes she knows that he ain't coming.

codetrainwreck oh well, dauf's gone. it sucks! but hey, he's probably fine. crying himself sick for missing me, but he's emotional that way.

codetrainwreck he's a big dumb lug, what can i say? but he's sweet. it makes me feel nice, the way he coddles me.

codetrainwreck let's play.

codetrainwreck maybe you'll be more fun!

codetrainwreck etc.

codetrainwreck so she's devoted to dauf and wouldn't let him go by choice, but

codetrainwreck i personally like to read her interactions with clare through a suggestive lens

codetrainwreck i think she's turned on by clare's reactions!

codetrainwreck i think she likes it!

codetrainwreck i think that kind of stubbornness is what gets her off.

codetrainwreck and she is even more excited at the possibility of breaking it, which is ... honestly what i think happened with dauf

codetrainwreck since iirc she actually says he tried to kill her and she beat him and they've been together ever since

codetrainwreck i don't think i'm misremembering that but i can't remember the location of it rn to check

codetrainwreck so what i mean is her response to that is not limited across the gender spectrum

codetrainwreck although filtered through her socially-ingrained binary gender lens

codetrainwreck (.... i cannot play a riful who understands the concept of "genderqueer" or is respectful of it, sry)

codetrainwreck (i'm playing a character who would sit here and erase my existence to my face, and i know it)

codetrainwreck (believe me *i know*)

codetrainwreck but anyway: dudes, ladies, makes no diff, if you ping her she will come.

codetrainwreck pun - god help me- intended

codetrainwreck i will never include this on her registry but i firmly believe that she settled down after her first meeting with clare

codetrainwreck and fingered herself to the memory *quite excitedly*.

codetrainwreck hey, dauf was healing, it wasn't like he was gonna be any use ...

codetrainwreck (i am a terrible human being and isn't everyone glad they've muted this)

code manpain well then

code manpain

codetrainwreck so that's a thing; she may have a rigid conception of the gender binary and buy into scads of unrecognized heteronormativity

codetrainwreck but she doesn't mentally discriminate between people who attract her

codetrainwreck it goes back to her sense of self - she doesn't see the point in *denying* what works for her when it works for her

codetrainwreck and she doesn't see why she shouldn't enjoy herself if opportunity presents

codetrainwreck so uh i guess

codetrainwreck riful accidentally a sexual omnivore

codetrainwreck .... that was not an intended pun but i'll take the credit for it anyway

codetrainwreck and yeah i think the only way to be safe if riful wants to bang you is to either have already proven you're not interesting enough

codetrainwreck where the other things she likes are concerned

codetrainwreck or to be inhuman, which is not necessarily the same thing but overlaps in some areas

codetrainwreck (YOU'RE NOT EDIBLE)

codetrainwreck which, speaking of eating, i genuinely think riful enjoys the experience of the hunt/trap

codetrainwreck and possibly more than the resolution

codetrainwreck because eating is eating, there's nothing remarkable about digestion

codetrainwreck youma fleshlust is one thing, eventually you get used to it

codetrainwreck .... eventually, it's something that comes with familiarity/repeition

codetrainwreck when she gets it back in aather it'll probably be distressing to watch

codetrainwreck THAT IS NOT HOW YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO ENJOY FOOD ...

codetrainwreck but anyway that's just a catalyst

codetrainwreck it's an *important* catalyst and one that needs to be taken into account in an amnesia setting, but

codetrainwreck it's still

codetrainwreck just a catalyst

codetrainwreck riful likes the control of it, both the chae and the laying in wait are different ways of making "prey" obey their "predator"

codetrainwreck and what makes it even better is that they do it without consent, in some ways

codetrainwreck even if they can register they're being manipulated they can't always fight their instincts/needs

codetrainwreck it's the act of reducing them to their base instinct that excites her

codetrainwreck because they have to face themselves then, they can't pretend they're not what they are

codetrainwreck and they're reacting that way because of riful

codetrainwreck riful is doing this, riful is creating this scenario that strips them down like this, riful is

codetrainwreck i think she thinks of it as *actualizing* them

codetrainwreck freeing them from their shame and their socialization to be themselves

codetrainwreck their most sincere selves

codetrainwreck this just in: this kind of mindset is fucking terrifying

codetrainwreck bluh

codetrainwreck again, there's a sadism at work here in riful's approach to handling power

codetrainwreck it's not necessarily sexual but it can be

codetrainwreck i won't call it "delight", that's the wrong word

codetrainwreck in fact that almost feels like a safer emotion than the one riful actually feels

codetrainwreck i think riful is *satisfied* by the trauma she can inflict on others, should the opportunity present itself

codetrainwreck because that is, again, another sign of her skill, and thus hr power.

codetrainwreck ugh thanks for freezing plurk i have no idea where i was going now

codetrainwreck oh well, that's probably not a terrible note to peter out on


And I have at least one more essay I want to do like this so this will be updated with any other essays I do later as well. IN FUTURE, ALL MY ESSAYS WILL START OUT ON PLURK. YES. It is apparently the least emotionally stressful format to put coherent words onto for me, as I have ... problems with organization and my ability to seem like I'm capable of it.

So there. That is a thing.